As a post-easter, 'had enough of being locked in the house with the hubby' celebration I met up with DJ for a couple last night. I was looking forward to something low-key and fun. Nothing more.

Much to my disappointment a barrel-load of intensity was what it turned out to be, kicked off by a call from my cousin. His 3 year old daughter was staying and wanted to say 'goodnight', so in the middle of a bar I fell into a long conversation which mainly involved fairies, green eggs and ham, and the sandman.

When I came off the phone I had fully intended to put any vaguely maternal instincts to one side and forget all about it but DJ made a comment about how I'd make a 'good mum'. Not really getting why everyone's obsessing over my having children at the moment I got a bit ansty and cracked a sarcastic joke in attempt to dismiss it. Turns out I'd forgotten who I was dealing with.

Somehow my flippant response turned into a fully fledged conversation about parenthood and ended when DJ said he could think of no one he would trust more with his kids if he had them (dilluded comes to mind). Before I had a chance to freak out or change the subject he brought up the subject of me leaving Jazz again.

Don't get me wrong, this has been discussed way more than I'm comfortable with but I've always been able to put a jokey slant on it and ignore it. This time it became apparent I wasn't going to be able to do that. It transpired that he's broken his contact off with the girl he was dating and asked me straight out to break up with Jazz and move in with him. Like it's that easy!

I'm not sure at what point things became serious but considering I'm not entirely happy being in a relationship at all at the moment, I definitely don't feel like being in two at once. If I'm honest a comfortable transition from the relationship I'm in to another one with a strong, together and hot hot guy, is incredibly tempting. There's little worse than the come down period after a relationship and I can see why people let them overlap.

But it's too easy and not what I want. If/when I get it together and end things with Jazz it is to get my life together again without being overly concerned with another influence. Having fun is fine. Dating is fine. Moving in with a guy is not. Sorry for all the rambling, after all this is ridiculous and completely hypothetical.

So back to the point - Being everything I hate in a person I called on cowardice, made a truly terrible excuse and left prematurely before ignoring his calls last night and today.